Trust
by Ersatz.Love
Summary: Sho was afraid of many things. Dying was not one of them. Massive spoilers.


Dying isn't as difficult as people tend to think it is.

It's like flipping a switch. Lights out, the world goes dark; lights on, you're somewhere else. Maybe you're _someone_ else. But at least you're still _you _-- at least, the first time. First time's a freebie; after that, they don't call it "dying" -- they call it "erasure," and whether or not the lights come back on after that depends completely on who you've made friends with. Trust your partner, as they say.

"Well _that_ was disappointing..."

Because when you're watching yourself fade away, it's not like you can do anything for yourself.

"Is this really the extent of your new power? It's not very...godly." Joshua's lips curled up in an unsettling smile as he spoke, adding more insult to injury than anything he could have said; an incredible task, given that he had an amazing talent for killing with words alone. Sho wanted nothing more than to wipe that smile off his face -- sink his claws into either side of his face and _pull, _shredding his mouth wide open and break his lower jaw right _off, _cut his throat open from ear to ear and pull those glittering violet eyes right out of their sockets -- because they smiled, too, condescendingly. Judgementally. Arrogantly. God smiling down at a crushed ant. Sho would kill him.

"Shut up."

That wasn't the most impressive retort he'd ever made, and it didn't sound as threatening as he hoped it would, but it was about the most he could manage when he could hardly even hear his own voice. It sounded distorted and warped, raw from the battlecries that lacerated his throat, wet and stinging metallic from the blood he kept coughing up on the asphalt, wheezing from the lack of oxygen -- he swore he could _feel_ the air in his lungs escaping through the holes his ribs had punctured through them. He didn't imagine he looked much prettier. It didn't matter, because he couldn't stop to think of where his beauty had gone when he was clinging this desperately to his last thread of life.

Joshua just laughed.

"Sho, Sho, _Sho..._" He shook his head, reaching up to whisk away a stray lock of hair. "I think you should consider your current position. Wouldn't it be a lot easier if you cut the act and...I don't know..._begged?_"

The lionet stayed quiet, focusing on the breaths that just wouldn't come. With a grunt of effort he shifted -- _god,_ even just a little movement hurt so _much_ -- and tried to pull his hands underneath him, feeling the ground scrape and cut at his skin. Everything felt so much sharper, tangible or not -- even the air stung him with each shuddering inhale. He pushed, bracing his weight on his shoulders -- and let out a shrill cry when a bolt of pain shot down his spine, pooling at the small of his back and forcing him back down. Damnit, this sucked.

"You'll be begging, ra--hh--di--anhh, when I get _up..!_" His elbows wobbled this time, and he couldn't even lift his front half up. It didn't matter anymore; he couldn't feel his legs, and with the black tendrils of Taboo magic peeling off his skin and drifting up into the aether like a backwards snow, there wasn't anything more he could do even if he _could_ get to his feet. He knew this. Joshua knew this.

It was over.

That didn't stop Sho from giving a weak, pathetic laugh, with only the slightest thrum of confidence in his voice. "It isn't over. I'll come back--as--as many times as I need t..!" A hacking cough, and another mouthful of black blood bubbled out onto his hands. Joshua scoffed at the sight, smile flattening into something more like a sneer.

"Oh, yes, about that."

Sho's vision flickered, the ground beneath him spinning for a moment before righting itself, and suddenly Joshua was a whole lot closer than he was a second before.

"That's the one missing piece from this puzzle, isn't it? How you came back..." The boy knelt down, one delicate hand reaching out to grasp Sho's chin just tight enough so that when Sho worked his jaws to try and bite him -- just like Joshua predicted he would -- it only hurt him more. It took a surprising amount of force to deter him.

"Or rather, _who_ allowed you to come back. I highly doubt you learned to do all this on your own -- not to discredit your...intelligence."

"Who's to say I _didn't?_" Sho smirked in spite of the agony, swallowing his pain and forcing himself to speak as normally as possible. "Maybe_ you're _the one who's miscalculating. I wouldn't be sghh--urprised, you're so out of touch, just ready to be _repla--!_" A weak swipe at Joshua's face fell short, and a much more bestial shriek was forced from the reaper when that delicate hand twisted his jaw almost hard enough to dislocate it.

"If only you'd learned to be obedient." His thumb and middle finger dug into the pressure points where Sho's jaws were connected, porcelain fingers threatening to break him. "If you refuse to tell me their name, you could at least tell me _why._ Not because it really matters in the end, because you're still going to be erased, but I can't help but be curious. What sort of idiotic ideology did they preach to you?"

Despite the interrogation, Joshua didn't let up on the pressure. He only increased it, forcing Sho's mouth open and worming his forefinger inside to glance over the reaper's canines in thought. The only response was a weak, strained hiss.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Withdrawing his finger, he let go, and Sho's teeth clacked together so hard he thought they would break.

"You son of a digit," he rasped, briefly ducking his head to wipe his mouth against his shoulder. "Of course you wouldn't zetta get it. I'm bringing in a new era. I'm the new _god._ The differential operator. I'll correct the errors in your computations -- give me a year, and none of these tetrahedrons will even remember your _name._"

"...Is that really what you believe, Sho?" Joshua's lips twitched in what might have been the beginnings of a smile -- not his usual smile, but one much more muted, much more morose -- before decomposing into the sneer he held a moment before.

"You are _severely _misled."

Mid-turn, he didn't miss the flicker of apprehension that tainted Sho's golden eyes, but it never occurred to him that the reaper wasn't directing that look towards him; in fact, the silence that reigned in lieu of some venomous retort only encouraged Joshua to continue. A dramatic sigh, and the Composer widened the distance between himself and the heap, stopping again at the midpoint between that and his guardian.

"It's me, is it? I am the one at fault for Shibuya's current state?"

He waited for Sho this time. It took a few beats before a response came -- Sho had caught onto the notion that this wasn't just another bluff, and he was hesitant to make a fool of himself now. He couldn't sink any lower than he already had. _Not in front of him._

"...A king is responsible for his kingdom," he said, having to take a minute to work those words from his dry, sandpapery tongue. In the pregnant pause that followed, uncertainty broke him, and his gaze flicked to meet his partner's -- for reassurance, if nothing else, because he knew he wasn't going to save him now -- but those jet-black lenses made it impossible to read his gaze.

"No, Sho."

The slightest shifting movement indicated that Sanae was no longer looking at his protégé. Sho looked the opposite way, towards Joshua, when the Composer spoke again.

"A king is a _slave_ to his kingdom."

Suddenly the world seemed to dim. Everything became distorted, shifting this way and that like a desert mirage, and white noise assaulted Sho's ears; at first a distant rumble, it slowly grew into a near-deafening roar, seeming so very unreal when all his other senses were so far gone. Sho wanted to scream, make himself deaf to all of the voices--

--voices?--

**We are all such selfish creatures...**

Yes, they were voices -- it took a moment, but he realized each one was distinct, individual -- _loud,_ yelling disjointed and disconnected thoughts that seemed so insignificant--

--thoughts?--

**...and I have spent far too long trying to please everyone.**

Joshua's voice cut through louder and clearer than all the rest, and Sho realized--

**Do you really believe that you're ready for this?**

--that this was Joshua's _mind._

**Listening to everyone's thoughts, all at once, every single waking second of your life. Their selfish desires. Their darkest secrets. Their envy. Jealousy. Hatred. **_**Suffering.**_

Sho couldn't block it out, no matter how hard he tried -- and he thought -- thought he was fading faster, but he was staying still -- what was--?

**Could you watch them suffer?**

What--

**Could you live with this much power, and accept that you're still.**

_What--_

**So.**

_Help me--!_

_**Powerless.**_

And then the lights came back on.

The pain returned, rushing in to fill the void when the voices all went silent.

"You're not ready."

But the world kept spinning -- it didn't feel real. None of it felt real. The ground beneath him felt so far away, and the corners of his vision were darkening...

"You're not the solution. You're not even part of the equation."

He couldn't accept that. Sho would come back -- Joshua must have known he would, because there was no point in continuing to try and dissuade him if he wasn't completely sure Sho would revive. And yet gold eyes anxiously flicked this way and that, looking everywhere -- nowhere -- because Sanae wasn't looking at him. Wouldn't, because he couldn't make a show of disappointment while Joshua was around, but...

He _would_ revive him, right?

"Let's see...how many times have you failed so far?"

He had to keep his mind clear. Incriminating Sanae meant the end of _everything._

"It's a wonder your accomplice even bothered with you this long. And if this was supposed to be the finale..." A mirthless chuckle. "If I were him? I'd look for someone more competent."

He couldn't feel anything anymore. His whole body was numb, and he found himself having to concentrate just to keep it together. Sanae would forgive him. He _had_ to. There wasn't going to be a plan B -- he _couldn't_ just let things go, not after this. They could regroup, rethink their strategy -- Sanae needed Sho just as much as Sho needed Sanae.

Right?

"And Sho..."

_Right?_

"If, by some miracle, you succeed in your childish, _selfish_ plans," Joshua drawled -- and even his voice had started to become distant, "you won't become a king."

_Trust your partner._

Sho's eyelids got heavy. There was no more pain, no more feeling. In a few seconds, there would be no more Sho.

_"You will become __**me.**__"_

There was only acceptance.

Because when you're watching yourself fade away, it's not like you can do anything for yourself.


End file.
